Law Students think they're smart

So I decided to take a class on Federal Income Tax this semester. I wont go into details as to what I learn in the class (It involves money), but I do have to say that many of the court cases that we read are hilarious. Well, no, they're not hilarious in the reality sense, but in the ironic sense.

In at least 3 cases so far, the defendant in the case was a law student. In one case actually, the defendant was a Tax LLM student looking to get out of paying taxes; in another it was a second year Harvard Law student.

First, I want to know how these people have time to think of playing with their taxes in law school. It took me 3 weeks to find time to fill out my FAFSA.
Second, I want to know how these people knew how to file a tax return AND use issues they learned in class. I mean we all know that we learn nothing in law school. Do I know what "Tax basis" is? sort of. Do I know how to calculate [insert random legal sounding tax vocabulary]? probably. Do I know how this relates to the real world? Absolutely Not.

Well, whatever jealousy I have for the fact that the students in these cases went to top ranked schools and for the fact that they understand how to use tax law in the real world is vindicated by the complete rejection of their arguments by the court in each instance. I mean the court effectively bench slapped each of them and if it could it probably would have slipped into "Yo Mama" jokes, just to rub it in.

In conclusion, PAY YOUR TAXES. As an anarcho-libertarian, Grover Norquist worshipping, name-dropping, card carrying member of the anti-16th Amendment club, I'm all for getting out of one's taxes. But here I have little sympathy. I mean in one case the defendant complained and put forth as a legal argument that she was only able to find a biglaw firm job paying top dollar (probably around $20,000 for 2 months' work) to work in New York and not in Boston and then proceeded to try to get out of paying tax, claiming that her expenses on food and plane tickets should offset whatever tax she has to pay. [Expletive referring to the defendant] needs to pay her taxes so that I have some nickels to collect as my paycheck while working for the government.

Save the Observer!!

We cannot let the NY Observer Die!! It is a superior newspaper for NY lifestyle.

This article mocking 20-somethings for not understanding the financial crisis is proof of its inherent superiority. Let's compare it to the NY Times article from last May on the same issue.

First: the Observer obsequiously name-drops the editors of Blender and Lydia Hearst.
Second: it shows the true colors of NY's hipsters, wannabes, and Ithaca College Grads.
Third: it isn't contrived and does not claim to have discovered a 'new' subculture of people who dream about moving to NY by reading Bonfire of the Vanities.
Lastly: it is so quietly mocking that it is brilliant. By pretending to be straitlaced and "objective," it catches the subtleties and ignorance of being young in NY as well as demonstrates the stupidity of foreigners (that's 'foreigners' in the NY translated version which means among others: upstaters, Midwesterners, Southerners, Foreigners, and West Coasties. This list, of course, is by no means exclusive)

Here's a demonstration of superiority through case-studies included in both articles,

NY Times demonstrating the 'harsh' realities of City life: A boy earning a paltry' $60,000 a year eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day because he can't "afford" lunch.
NY Observer: A self-described 'artist' explains how a doctor was angered to have been put at the same table as her at a charity event, because his economic stature may not be what it used to be after the economic downturn. 'He was so totally insulted.'

Please, oh please, let us pray that the editor of the NY Observer was not correct when he said that if investors were not found by the end of this month that his magazine would be done for.

SAVE THE OBSERVER!!

UPDATE: and by Observer, I meant NY Sun, which this article is not from..... the Hipster-ish Observer is fine and dandy.... the Sun in all its unmentioned glory is deceased.

Economics of Architecture

Besides loss of money, jobs, livelihoods, pension funds, important things... the effect of this global meltdown on New York's greatest asset, buildings, has yet to be seen. Bear Stearns went out back in March yet 6 months later its building across from the Brooklyn is still vacant (I mean the doors are open and there's a guard there with the lights on and the Air Conditioning blasting, but the only sign I see on the door is Bear Stearns).


View Larger Map

[Ed. Note: google has removed the listing for Bear Sterns that I was referencing in the map above...]

By the way, my theory about the downturn is that right now America is liquidating Investment Banks that haven't updated their logos in 15 years or more. Bear Stearns' definitely was from 1989.













Note: I just realized that Bear Stearns/Brooklyn shares a Building with the Fire Department. There is so irony for the fact it was sold in a fire sale!!!!!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

This post stems from me wondering what Lehman's electronic ticker said the day they failed.

Also possible:

Hank says No

Vacay

I have some unfortunate news: the summer is over. For students this means back to school (after 2 very unfulfilling weeks off after my internship). For most non-students nothing has changed because the summer does not bring vacation; it just means having to wear a suit in 90 degree weather instead of 30 degree weather (gray wool in july is NO FUN, let me tell you).

But for legal workers .... it means pretty much the same thing as law students, time to get back to work. Don't get me wrong, lawyers and attorneys are some of the hardest workers around, but during August the courts are closed!!! Unless a defendant is in jail, there ain't going to be any presence in front of a judge until labor day. This means that no civil cases can do anything, and criminal cases get further backlogged.

The reason for this issue is the curse of the government worker. Lawyers, whether public or corporate, work equally hard. However, first year corporate lawyers get paid 4x as much as their counterparts in the public sector and 2x as much as judges in their 10th year. So how do the public workers even out the disparate pay checks... vacation days, 9-5 work day, and an earned smugness that they have more interesting cases (i don't care what anyone says: murder is much more interesting than derivative suits).

It's inefficient and a waste that courts universally shut down for a month when the crime rate is probably at its highest (August means lots of young people out of school with nothing better to do). But its the price we as a society pay for not paying government workers more. I'm not an economist so i can't say whether it would be better to give everyone a raise and make them work more or to let them have their generous vacation days. But, we can't call government lawyers lazy (except the SEC and their higher pay scale) as we pay them abysmally low salaries.

Sorry Jack McCoy, even with your promotion to District Attorney you'd still be earning 1/2 the paycheck of a first year associate and living in a small apartment somewhere in New Jersey.

ID-ying Theft

Here is a real email I got via facebook last week, sent from Oghirimba Lumba:

Dear,

I am Barrister James Ronke.Personal attorney to late Mr Patrick
[Ed: my last name],a foreign national and a construction engineer.I have the
pleasure to contact you on this subject matter.

My late client died along with his entire family while on holiday in
Asia Earth Quake Disaster(Phuket Island in Thailand on December 2004.
(TSUNAMI DISASTER)
He left the sum of USD$6.5M with a bank and ever since his death,the
bank has asked me to provide his next of kin.

I have the pleasure to contact you based on the fact that you bears the
same surname with him so that you will stand as his bonafide next of kin
and claim this money which he left behind.

On hearing from you,I shall give you a comprehensive informations of what
to do as regards to this.

Barrister James Ronke
Ronke Chambers & Associates
Jl
ataku lot 25 - 27 lt 20,
Jakarta Raya.
Reply to: jamesronkey@hotmail.com


Spelling errors and the fact that no one in my family is named Patrick aside, there are oh so many things wrong with this email. First off, despite stating his name as "James Ronke" a barrister from England, his name in his email address (b/c this is facebook and your name is your email address) is of course, Nigerian in origin and not British. Second, also regarding his name, the "reply to" email spells his last name differently. You'd think a barrister would be able to spell his own name.

This brings me to my next set of gripes. To the best of my knowledge, barristers don't handlethese types of cases. They wear powdered wigs...or at least used to, no its some type of Star Trek resembling uniform. They speak in court and use fancy language. Lastly, they can spell and use words correctly.

Its just great cause I've gotten most online scams, but this was my first one involving the Tsunami, which despite being a horrible tragedy to exploit, occurred like 3 years ago!

Lastly, this dude was trying to exploit a lawyer using lawyer language...... wait, who am I kidding, I know a lot of people (law students included) who would probably respond and fall for this cr*p. (I've seen it too, where educated people sent their Social Security numbers to an online scam promising free checks!!).

In conclusion....... Star Trek doesn't have money in it, so they dont have these scams. If the new uniforms of the British system usher in an age of bold discovery and boldly going places, these scams will lose their potency.

Tortious Joke of the day

What's a but for?


For Duty!

"Buy My Vote!!!"

Some kid in Minnesota offered to sell his vote on ebay. This actually might have been a good idea, since Minnesota is a swing state and the candidates are spending the most money for any presidential campaign ever.

The only problem is that it is illegal (d'uh)..... Furthermore, it is a felony (which is kinda crazy). [Note: Felony essentially denotes a harsh crime punishable by more than a year in prison. Like most things in the law, there really is no good definition]. The next question, however, should be: Are felons allowed to vote in Minnesota? So in selling his vote, not only did this kid get arrested and have to pay legal expenses, but he lost his right to vote. Oops!!!

Judicial Conspiracy

DC has its guns back! Bearing arms is an individual right! And, the prefatory clause (the part about the militia) is meaningless!! Scalia was let out of his cage today to write the final opinion of the Supreme Court for the year (yes it is June!!!). However, what does this mean for the political landscape.

Guns are legal and arguably, for the campaign, gunrights are officially a non-issue. On the other end of the spectra, gay marriage is legal in California. In the past month, two issues that have divided the nation particularly in the last 10 years have, for all intents and purposes, been removed form the political sphere. The right can point to the Supreme Court and claim at least a meager victory (the court overruled an outright ban but states are still allowed to regulate weapons possession). The left can point to the California Supreme Court and can also claim a meager victory (California is the most populous state in the union so their recognition is giant leap especially when paired with policies like that of NY where we recognize gay marriages from other states, but it is still only a state and there are at most 48 others that don't offer similar marriages). [f.y.i. 48 takes Massachusetts into account]

Since these issues have both achieved victories, there is no need to rally behind them or to speak of a major change in the law. And, both these decisions have or will prove uncontroversial for those except the extremists.

Are the courts conspiring to control the political scope of this election?
Is it coincidental that these two victories occurred simultaneously?
Finally, will either case lead to a trend? (Will other states follow in California's footsteps? and/or will someone make an issue of the gun-ban in Chicago?)

I'm just excited for my BEAR ARMS!!!!

Leaps and Bounds

Trying to accomplish anything in the law comes with one caveat. THE LAW IS SLOW. Today, the Supreme Court released a decision in the Exxon-Valdez case. For those not familiar with the facts... you were obviously not self aware in the 80s. TWENTY YEARS AGO some drunken sailor plowed into a rock in Alaska and spilled a lot of precious oil and hurt a bunch of seals. The decision today focused on one of those uniquely American court practices of punitive damages. That is, damages that have no real legal or factual basis (surprisingly Juries have no remorse giving money away from large companies even without any reasonable basis to do so). The court for many reasons (including the fact that many of the people affected have either died or moved away from the location affected) felt that $2.5 billion a top a relatively generous sum was too much.

Much of the legal argument part is boring. I just want to highlight that it took twenty years!!! Plus, I'm sure there is still a long way to go like distribution of the rest of the money, etc. Plus I think the otters are arguing for specific performance; they want Exxon to bring them fish instead of money. Any suggestions as to who their lawyer should be?

Confusation

Sorry, about the last 2 posts. I was trying to prove a point about facebook.

In this age of increasing privacy rights and paranoia about data, people need to really curb their exposure and earn their privacy. Google wants access to our medical records. NYC posts our mortgages online with a copy of our signature (seriously, go onto the ACRIS system). And, Facebook has set up a system whereby we can keep our friends informed of new developments in our lives (and I mean every minor detail). Heck, as mentioned before, some dude advertised his Social Security number to the whole world in order to prove a failed point about privacy.

None of these things are inherently bad (except that last one, man, he is in for one big lawsuit), but we must impose on ourselves a degree of restraint and not abuse our newfound positions of attention.

In a world of microcelebrity, where individuals have access to an inflated pulpit, the potential for abuse is large. Globalization and the internet are providing increased access to a greater amount of information than ever before; everyone has access to all information. This has created a degree of homogenization, since with access to all information, there is less unique information. Once again, this is not a bad development. This means we have to try all the harder to create or to find something new and original, with more emphasis on the creation part.

In property law, one learns first about acquisition by 'find.' In the beginning, there was so much for Earth's citizens that the focus of the law was almost exclusively on claiming the unclaimed. One next learns about acquisition by creation; one owns what he has created. This field is the future. I'm not saying that all that can be discovered has been discovered. What I am saying is that we must be challenged to find and create something new and we must be aware of the increasing difficulty of such an endeavor for the 'new.' We should not be risk averse to such a search, but we must be risk aware.

EVERY WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET

EVERY WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET

Awesome Post!!! Every article on the internet right now

THIS IS SO INTERESTING; IT IS THE MOST EXCITING ARTICLE ON THE INTERNET. IN FACT FROM NOW ON, I WILL BE POSTING EVERY SINGLE THING ON THE INTERNET IN MY FACEBOOK PROFILE BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO READS CNN.COM, OR PRETTY MUCH ANY OTHER NEWS WEBSITE AND I JUST KNOW THAT PEOPLE LOVE HAVING THEIR NEWSFEEDS FULL OF NEWS ARTICLES BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMBUKTU, NEBRASKA.

Go back to where you came from!

As a native New Yorker, I say to the subjects of this New York Times piece.... go back from whence ye came! Stop cheapening my city!! New York does not come with a gift basket of muffin tops and Versace jeans! It comes with rats and bed bugs in the subway.

Most people who have expensive items WORK FOR A LIVING (or at least come from old money, but thats a different discussion for a different type of aggravation).

And no, I do not think that most New Yorkers would decide to prioritize $500 clothing over food, because it's a nonissue (most would have a guy who has a guy who could get them what they need without the need to sacrifice or to pay retail). If you're having problems paying bills, try not living in one of the most expensive places in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I don't feel bad for your attempt at a falsely inflated extravagant lifestyle!

Finally, Duane Reade is not roughing it, and a $60,000 salary does not mean that one is starving oneself!!! Stop indulging yourself and stop being angry at mommy and daddy for not buying you that pony for your farmhouse in Nebraska!!!

"Starting Salaries but New York Tastes" ....ugh even the title makes me sick. I just know that it was not written by a New Yorker (its not sarcastic and loathsome enough)

RAPRAM!!!! David Bowie in ...well anything

One word, Labyrinth.

How the writers sold this concept to studio producers:
David Bowie dancing and singing in tight pants [dramatic pause] with muppets.

This movie needs no introducing, but I will give a 2 sentence refresher. Jennifer Connelly plays a babysitter who's child gets abducted by Mr. Bowie and taken to a magical land of singing muppets. I can't tell if such an experience would be traumatizing or simply life changing.

It is, at least, a felony under section 135 of the NY penal code. But, I'm sure after discovering both that most of the evidence exists only in a far off and mostly imaginary land and that Mr. Bowie is emperor of said land and thus falls under some type of sovereign immunity, no District Attorney would ever possibly want or hope to bring any charges (HA, there's my legal tie-in!)

Next Week, Klaus Nomi comes from outer space to save the human race.

For now: a trio among muppets, Bowie and a baby.

Happy Law Day!

Let's go out and beat the commies by celebrating law day!!!

Presidential Proclamation for Law Day 2008

Or look at the US Law codifying Law Day: 36 U.S.C. § 113

Forza Italia!

The outgoing Italian Government has posted the tax returns of every citizen online. It took the website 24 hours to crash, because everyone in Italy wanted to know how much their neighbors were paying in taxes.

The Italian IRS probably got the idea from that dude who posted his Social Security Number in several advertisements for his SSN security monitoring service. Unfortunately, they did not realize that the purpose of that advertisement was to promote security, not busybody-ness.

Next Week: Somalia posts how many grains of rice each citizen has eaten in the past couple of years (preview: its in the single digits!!!)

Update: The guy from the SSN security service had his identity stolen!!

BBC: Italy Posts Income Details on Web
Wonkette: Bitchy Outgoing Italian Government Posts Everyone's Tax Info Online

Newsmedia on Your Chest

Just a quick note:

CNN.com has a new feature whereupon certain news headlines have a T-shirt next to them. By clicking on said T-shirt you are given the option of purchasing that headline on a white, black, or gray T-shirt. I wonder if and hope that CNN is going to expand this option to all of their headlines and not a select few.

"Expired Food Sold at Low prices"
And for fun: cnnistheworstever.blogspot.com/

Backstreet's Back, Alright!!!

As the nation awaits news of whether or not the Backstreet Boys are going to reunite, law students across the students can get their BSB fix by reading the recently unsealed court documents from their lawsuit in the mid 1990s.

Not quite a reunion, but just as exciting for most people.

And yes that is BSB with Arthur the aardvark.

The Uniform Commercial Code and the End of the World

So I was studying Contracts today and looked up a definition of the UCC (Universal Commercial Code) on wikipedia. Aside from being a pain in the butt, the UCC is generally a benign academic exercise, i.e. it is very boring and deals with a mundane but definitely important part of the law.

However, on the wikipedia page I was drawn to the section explaining how the UCC was created by a cabal of bankers that is actually in control of all nations of the world. Yeah, the Constitutional Party of Pennsylvania, the Montana Separatist group, and various other American revolutionary movements think that the UCC is the means by which men in smoking rooms are enslaving the United States.

Go Ron Paul! Bring back the Gold Standard!

Most favorite political philosophy from the list of 'underground' organizations: There is no legitimate political authority above sheriff.